I'm Sorry Tofu, I'm Just Not That Into You

04 May

Dear Tofu,

This dalliance of ours has come to an end. I wish I could say it was me, but really, tofu, it’s you. Your gelatin-like texture, your bland boiled taste, your unappetizing color. And we’ve both tried. I know you tried to hide underneath layers of sauce, trying to camouflage yourself, and you know I tried to scramble, bake, fry, boil and steam you. But it wasn’t meant to be.

Yes, we had our hey-day, back in my vegetarian days, when I embraced you fully. We tried to convince the members of my family that you were tasty, baked and dipped in a thai peanut sauce, hidden in soups and swirled into smoothies. But somehow they didn’t take to you. They outed you amid the strawberry and banana in the fruit smoothie, they picked at you in the stir fry. And no matter how much we tried, they always preferred the chicken or fish to your little white self.

You know I’m a fan of your relatives, the crunchy tempeh, the silky soymilk and the wonderful miso. We continue to get along well and they’re part of my life.

But ever since you appeared in my college cafeteria day after day, over-sauced and dripping in oil, our relationship began to sour. I turned back to eating meat after I could no longer stand eating you and only you. I attempted to including you in my meals, but you usually went bad in the back of the fridge before I could add you to a recipe. No matter how much we tried, it wasn’t working out.

You know we’ll remain acquaintances. I’ll say hello to you in Japanese restaurants when you’re swimming in the salty broth of miso soup. You’ll peek out from underneath curry sauces in Thai dishes. But we can no longer see each other regularly. I can’t do it anymore.

Take care, tofu, and I guess I’ll see you around.



Posted by on May 4, 2009 in Food Reads



5 responses to “I'm Sorry Tofu, I'm Just Not That Into You

  1. Elle

    May 6, 2009 at 10:02 am

    My relationship with tofu never even made it to first base. It’s just the texture that makes me ill. Tempeh, yes! I’m all for that. I’ve tried to love tofu, but it’s never going to happen.

    Poor tofu. Too mushy to be loved.

  2. natalie

    May 6, 2009 at 8:18 pm

    Hilarious, yet so true…

  3. Erica Sharp

    May 11, 2009 at 3:57 pm

    Ahaha! As a vegetarian who is constantly seeking a new way to “do up” (er, DISGUISE) tofu, I found this post to be highly amusing. Maybe I just need to break up with tofu – and occasionally we can run into each other in Thai restaurants that do it right.

    • michiek

      May 14, 2009 at 11:43 am

      Yes, it is time to say goodbye. I know there are entire cookbooks devoted to tofu, but it is simply not for me and sounds like not for you, either! There are plenty of awesome vegetarian options that taste much better. I love beans and lentils and other great sources of protein that do not involve tofu!

  4. Gourmet Mama

    June 20, 2009 at 6:45 am

    I loved your breakup letter to tofu. Found it so refreshing. A few ingredients come to mind when I read your post. I personally haven’t really been that big of a fan of tofu. So I can relate to your love-hate relationship and eventual breakup with tofu.


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